10 Certain Ways to Achieve Unhappiness

In the UK, we all love a good moan, the weather, sports, our politicians, the news, who did what..the list goes on. When does a moan get out of hand? We've all had 'that friend', the one we start to avoid because they spend hours banging on about the same thing over and over and over, yet invest nought minutes doing anything about it.

 

Years ago I used to have a flat mate that talked at me so much, I once went for a shower, came back and she was so stuck in herself she hadn't even noticed I'd gone! Moaning can be addictive, it keeps us in a whirlwind of self-obsession which is like driving the mind round and round a roundabout. The faster it goes the less likely it is to notice an exit. What a waste of creative energy and investment of time. Check your moan-o-meter.

 

Here are 10 certain ways to achieve unhappiness :   

 

1. COMPLAIN - keep going on about the bad things that happen and ignore the good. Keep quiet about the real issues
    
2. AVOID YOUR PROBLEMS - Sleep, eat, over work, drink, procrastinate, go on a rebound, denial, blame others, blame yourself, fill time with social media - anything to avoid dealing with, or understanding the real issue
    
3. COMPARE YOURSELF NEGATIVELY WITH OTHERS - frustrate yourself over things that others have, or have achieved and you haven't....yet! Become an expert at thinking you are not good enough
    
4. WORRY ABOUT THINGS THAT HAVE NOT HAPPENED YET - after all there is no end to ones worries, especially imagined worries
    
5. LET YOUR PROBLEMS OVERWHELM YOU - focus obsessively on the problems and give keeping them all your energy
    
6. DO THINGS YOU DON'T LOVE FOR AN END RESULT YOU DON'T WANT - clear goal setting down the super highway of misery
    
7. STAY IN RELATIONSHIPS THAT NO LONGER SERVE YOU - surround yourself with energy vampires, critical people, and folk who want you to stay as you are always
    
8. TRY TO CHANGE OTHERS - it's much easier to tell others what to do and be a control freak
    
9. TRY TO PLEASE EVERYONE - and please no one in truth, which then makes you feel guilty, which then makes you try and please everyone again
    
10. BECOME OBSESSIVE ABOUT GOALS/OUTCOMES/STATUS/PEOPLE/THINGS - and let them define all your emotions and who you are  

Do any of these look familiar to you? If so, it's time to change. What small change could you make today?

Need a hand overcoming these?

2 out of 5 people unhappy with their career

That's a lot of hours doing something you don't enjoy. All relationships go through some tough times, and not everyone adapts to and embraces change in a positive way. The impact of forcing yourself to be somewhere you hate for the long-term is damaging to your relationships, family life, and most critically your health. The latter, often, and sadly it's the last warning flag.

'In 2009/2010 an estimated 9.8 million working days were lost through work-related stress. On average each person suffering from work-related stress took an estimated 22.6 days off - HSE'

Some extracts from a recent interview I did on the subject:

* If someone is looking to change careers in 2013, what tips could you give them to help them build confidence/make a change?

1.      Decide ‘by when’ do you want to be in your new career. (even if you don’t know what it is, or how you can do it)

2.      Commit to taking action – be in the driving seat, don’t wait until you are pushed out

3.      Embrace all change as positive. If you don’t like it change it again.

4.      When you meet self-doubts ask yourself ‘if I wasn’t afraid, what would I do’. Listen to your answer.

5.      Explore your talents. You won’t see your hidden talents because you do them naturally. Ask others around you for feedback about what you would be really good at?

6.      When someone is unhappy they can try and change their job, car, relationship etc instead of changing themselves. Make sure that you are changing career for the right reasons.

* Why do you think some people get 'stuck' in a career rut?

Most people wait until the pain of not changing is unbearable, and then the need to get out of pain motivates them to overcome their fear of change. When you have career, family, relationship goals you can avoid this kind of constipation.

* Is setting goals/keeping a to do list important for development?

More important to write the goal down and picture yourself achieving that goal. Then break the goal down into smaller, achievable steps to work towards.

* If someone wants to work towards promotion, are there any tips you could give them?

Ask their line manager what they would need to be doing for that job to be theirs. Ask ‘what do I need to do more of,  or less of, and what strengths do I currently have that would be an asset to that role. Find out if there are any skills that you need to acquire. Step your game up and be consistent.

* If someone is feeling frustrated/confused about their career direction, what would you suggest they do?

Stop wasting time moaning, instead talk about what the problem really is to key people and friends. Decide what you really want to do. Secretly most people know, but they have buried it because they see their dream job as impossible or see too many barriers. Remember the man who says he can, and the man who says he can’t are both right. If your passion for your career can’t be reignited create an exit plan immediately, life is too short to spend 9 hours a day feeling unhappy. There are infinite choices, you just have to create them. Build your self-confidence in your abilities by doing some activities that are out of your comfort zon

Visit this link for more info and resources:  How to Make Career Changes in the New Year

Therapy Tuesday

'Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere' ancient proverb

How true is this!! If we added up all the minutes we spent worrying about something in the last month, most of us would have found some very valuable time to invest doing something much more fun. Worrying does nothing, that's right, NOTHING to help us. It does not provide solutions, it doesn't comfort, it does not make us healthy, and it does not improve our relationships.

So what is the purpose of worrying?

When you are in a state of 'worry' you are worrying about something that hasn't yet happened. True? It's worrying about the future. That is, your brain is creating lots of negative possibilities for the future. It's a bit like having a train stopped between stations and the driver putting the handbrake on (or whatever a train has!) and sitting and worrying about what's at the next station. What the driver needs to do is decide where the train is going, if the track ahead is going where he doesn't want to go, he needs to create and build a new track. Then he needs to get back on the train and take the handbrake off.

Many people have become expert worriers and are still in nappies when it comes to truly creating their own solutions. I know I was!

A client I worked with last year was constantly 'worrying' about money. His very real lack of funds was crippling his quality of life. The worry was preventing him from being able to view his options and was creating much stress. What he was doing was trying to survive on so little. What he wasn't doing was investing the same energy in creating HOW he could raise his income. In other words he was keeping the problem. In his case his money strategies began when he was six years old...but that's a blog for another day.

Whatever you are dealing with in life you CAN live a worry free life - worry simply indicates that you have run out of track. The solution is to check back in and create YOUR OWN choices for the future.

Stop worrying, choose your thoughts carefully, and get monstrously creative. The answers are all in your own noggin.

Happy Tuesday