How 'Thank You' can change a life

Is that 'Sunday night feeling' returning with the theme tune of Downton Abbey? Are the darker evenings and a craving for carbs slowly bring a sepia into your life?

January resolutions are so last year, September is the real time to take stock of your life, your relationships, your finances, your emotional well being, and anything else that is important to you as the pace of life picks up again as the tan start to fade. 

I want to share with you a heart-warming story that a recent client shared with me. It really touched my heart, brought some warmth, and certainly got me thinking;
 
I had worked with *Jane some months before and since then she had been in touch to say she was exploring fostering children to join her family of husband and biological daughter aged seven.

*Mia was the first foster child to arrive, a girl, aged eleven. She had been kicked out of two other placements previously for bad behaviour and had a heart-breaking story of abandonment. Jane didn’t find her much of a problem in the first few weeks, and was really enjoying having a new edition to her family. Inspired by a conversation we had in a session about the power of gratitude, she had a sudden idea to get a chalk board and put it up in her kitchen. She decided that whenever she wanted to ‘thank’ any members of the family for something she would write it on the board. After a few weeks of doing this, as and when, one day she opened the airing cupboard, a place only she went to, and there was a yellow sticky note from Mia saying ‘thank you for making me feel loved and part of a family for the first time in my life’

Now Mia and Jane leave each other notes in the airing cupboard whenever she can’t say something or is worried about something. Jane and her husband are now in the process of adopting Mia forever.

*names have been changed

All it took was a genuine ‘thank you for….’ To change someone’s life, install trust, change behaviour and create a future. Since then others she has told have put up boards in their companies, or found other ways of showing gratitude. Gratitude isn't just for hippies!

 

Look what Dr Masaru Emoto found the words 'thank you' did in his famous water experiment.

 

 

Who do you need to thank today, and when was the last time you thanked yourself?

Thank you for reading my blog

x    

2 out of 5 people unhappy with their career

That's a lot of hours doing something you don't enjoy. All relationships go through some tough times, and not everyone adapts to and embraces change in a positive way. The impact of forcing yourself to be somewhere you hate for the long-term is damaging to your relationships, family life, and most critically your health. The latter, often, and sadly it's the last warning flag.

'In 2009/2010 an estimated 9.8 million working days were lost through work-related stress. On average each person suffering from work-related stress took an estimated 22.6 days off - HSE'

Some extracts from a recent interview I did on the subject:

* If someone is looking to change careers in 2013, what tips could you give them to help them build confidence/make a change?

1.      Decide ‘by when’ do you want to be in your new career. (even if you don’t know what it is, or how you can do it)

2.      Commit to taking action – be in the driving seat, don’t wait until you are pushed out

3.      Embrace all change as positive. If you don’t like it change it again.

4.      When you meet self-doubts ask yourself ‘if I wasn’t afraid, what would I do’. Listen to your answer.

5.      Explore your talents. You won’t see your hidden talents because you do them naturally. Ask others around you for feedback about what you would be really good at?

6.      When someone is unhappy they can try and change their job, car, relationship etc instead of changing themselves. Make sure that you are changing career for the right reasons.

* Why do you think some people get 'stuck' in a career rut?

Most people wait until the pain of not changing is unbearable, and then the need to get out of pain motivates them to overcome their fear of change. When you have career, family, relationship goals you can avoid this kind of constipation.

* Is setting goals/keeping a to do list important for development?

More important to write the goal down and picture yourself achieving that goal. Then break the goal down into smaller, achievable steps to work towards.

* If someone wants to work towards promotion, are there any tips you could give them?

Ask their line manager what they would need to be doing for that job to be theirs. Ask ‘what do I need to do more of,  or less of, and what strengths do I currently have that would be an asset to that role. Find out if there are any skills that you need to acquire. Step your game up and be consistent.

* If someone is feeling frustrated/confused about their career direction, what would you suggest they do?

Stop wasting time moaning, instead talk about what the problem really is to key people and friends. Decide what you really want to do. Secretly most people know, but they have buried it because they see their dream job as impossible or see too many barriers. Remember the man who says he can, and the man who says he can’t are both right. If your passion for your career can’t be reignited create an exit plan immediately, life is too short to spend 9 hours a day feeling unhappy. There are infinite choices, you just have to create them. Build your self-confidence in your abilities by doing some activities that are out of your comfort zon

Visit this link for more info and resources:  How to Make Career Changes in the New Year

How stressed are you? Take the test

Unlike pressure, stress is never good for you and never a positive thing. Stress is a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that the demands placed on them exceed the resources the individual has available. The symptoms of stress significantly affect both your mind and body. If you scored high, imagine how much better you would feel and look without it.

Take the test: 

On a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you now?        *10 being high
 

1-4       Share your secret!

5-8       Your adrenal systems are over active. You will be showing symptoms of stress. Important notice -take time to relax

8+        Stop and assess your life. What’s working? What isn’t?

Symptoms of stress

                                                          

• Increased irritability
• Heightened sensitivity to criticism
• Signs of tension i.e. nail biting
• Difficulty getting to sleep/over sleeping
• Drinking and smoking more
• Indigestion/stomach issues
• Loss of concentration
• Fearful of future
• Anxiety
• Panic Attacks
• Anger
• Depression

SAY ‘NO’ TO STRESS - 10 TOP TIPS TO BECOMING STRESS FREE

1. Be Honest – Listen and trust your instincts. Identify what is really causing you to feel stressed? It's never what you think it is. What’s stopping you from making the changes you know you need to make? Stop making excuses.
2. Slow Down – do one thing at a time and finish it
3. What makes you happy? – do more of it
4. Be thankful- what are you thankful for in life? List 20 things
5. Be kind – to yourself. Check your self-talk, you wouldn’t be that hard on anyone else would you?
6. Simplify your life – let go of clutter, dramas, and people pleasing
7. Ask for & Accept practical/emotional help – people like to help
8. Body Care – Get the right fuel into your body. There are links between vitamin deficiencies, dehydration and high stress levels.
9. Move it – dance, skip, break-dance, whatever floats your boat. Unused energy turns into negative, lethargic energy and can turn against you.
10. Relax – park your brain, breath in slowly through your nose… breath out slowly through your mouth. Just 5 mins sitting with a quiet mind will put a spring in your step even when chaos surrounds you.

If you or someone you know is stuck with stress or suffering stress related illnesses, there are so many amazing options to help you and your brain change the way you feel, even if you don't feel you can change the situation.

Time to say 'NO' to stress

Holidays - heaven or hell?

It's that time of year again when everyone is thinking about taking a break and going on holiday. For many of us this year there just isn't the budget to actually go away from home. If you feel like you need a holiday, what can you do instead?
The most important thing about taking a holiday is having a rest, mentally & physically. However, as we have witnessed in many a 'holiday from hell’ programme this isn't always the case! There are many things you can adopt to ensure that a holiday at home provides a good break with a sprinkle of fun. There are many things you can do to unplug and deflate from the usual escalator of life.

How to get all the benefits of a holiday without leaving home:

1) Call it a holiday – just because you are at home it is still a holiday. Calling it ‘off work’ doesn’t sound anywhere near as fun.
2) Tell your colleagues and boss that you are going away on holiday – you will be amazed how resourceful people can be when they believe you are away. Essentially how you communicate your boundaries shows others how to treat you.
3) Do a written and verbal handover of any current projects, even if that is not a usual requirement.
4) Decide what holiday spends you have as if you were changing money at the airport – This gives you guilt-free permission to eat out, treat your self to a massage, have a spray tan, buy a spur of the moment gypsy dress you will never wear after your holiday, keep the kids busy with activities etc.
5) What is it you want to gain? – Pre holiday, invest 15mins deciding specifically what it is you most want to gain from a break. Is it fun or relaxation? Fitness or lazy days? Decisions detox? Reduce your stress level. How do you want your life to look, feel and be as a result of taking a holiday?
6) Who wants to come too? – Invite a friend to join you on your week off, just as you would if you were going away. Same rules apply, make sure you both want the same from your holiday
7) Pot Luck anyone? – Invite your friends round for an evening. Set the theme as a country and everyone has to bring a random dish.
8) Delegate – book an au pair for the week, or send them off to grannies. Have a holiday from your holiday, create essential YOU time. If you are not full up how can you keep giving to others. 9) It’s not my job – before your holiday write down all your responsibilities, put them into a suitcase or better still post them to you at work so that they are there to pick up when you return. Work from home? Post them to a fantasy address.
10) Be open to adventure – Get out of your comfort zone, develop a holiday alter ego and give it all a go…