Are you iLost?

I am watching a couple sitting in a coffee shop, well I'm assuming that the fact they have walked in together and kissed each other on the cheek means they are together. But now I'm not so sure, they haven't made eye contact since, both are engrossed in a small plastic touch-screen they are clutching. He is smiling at his screen, and she is frowning at hers. Maybe they are emailing each other? Maybe by some freak of nature neither of them are able to talk and so they email each other to communicate. Occasionally they look up and share a snapshot of what is taking their attention. It's not an invitation to a conversation, more of an excuse for their absence. Only their bodies are in the coffee shop, the rest of them are iLost out in the ether, connecting with millions of others who have also left their bodies parked somewhere. Their sex life must be electric...not! Or maybe I'm old-fashioned, I mean, you don't even need to touch a real human to access sex at the touch of a button.

A mother and cheeky faced toddler come back from the till with a tray loaded with sugary bribes. She sits down, he wants her to play. She gets her phone out and becomes engrossed in the screen whilst trying various different distractions with her left hand which look like she is reaching out for a light switch in the dark. He isn't fooled by her remaining body, he knows she has left the building, is iLost, so up's the anti of his noise. All he wants is her quality time but he only knows three words, iPhone, iPad and mum.   

Relationships can't be made using technology, relationships come from conversations and shared experiences, relationships build-trust and true intimacy. This is why we get annoyed when a computer voice calls us from our bank, why we avoid the computer tills, the computer petrol pump etc. It creates a barrier to trust. 

At any one second there is a gazillion terabytes of stuff inviting you to leave your body, the trick is to be in charge of it. These terabytes love to fill your unattended and unvalued space, so unless you want your candy crush score etched on your gravestone, put the god damned thing down sometimes and go ask another human being how they are today.

Last year I saw many clients with an addiction to their iPad in the 50-65yr bracket. They had rewired themselves to get achievement from their word search scores, instead of their businesses. (I mean who is going to ask the CEO what they are really doing?) Spending time in chatrooms and only grunting at their partners for six months, inventing excuses to sneak off and spend time online. One guy even booked himself into a hotel so he could indulge in candy crush guilt free. Pixels are the new mistresses and affairs of 2014.

So ask yourself when you get the urge to escape through the plastic screen 'Where do I need to be present right now?' Get in charge of your technology and use it to create more time to have the freedom to spend quality time with those that you love.

Right I'm just off to do my emails....

How 'Thank You' can change a life

Is that 'Sunday night feeling' returning with the theme tune of Downton Abbey? Are the darker evenings and a craving for carbs slowly bring a sepia into your life?

January resolutions are so last year, September is the real time to take stock of your life, your relationships, your finances, your emotional well being, and anything else that is important to you as the pace of life picks up again as the tan start to fade. 

I want to share with you a heart-warming story that a recent client shared with me. It really touched my heart, brought some warmth, and certainly got me thinking;
 
I had worked with *Jane some months before and since then she had been in touch to say she was exploring fostering children to join her family of husband and biological daughter aged seven.

*Mia was the first foster child to arrive, a girl, aged eleven. She had been kicked out of two other placements previously for bad behaviour and had a heart-breaking story of abandonment. Jane didn’t find her much of a problem in the first few weeks, and was really enjoying having a new edition to her family. Inspired by a conversation we had in a session about the power of gratitude, she had a sudden idea to get a chalk board and put it up in her kitchen. She decided that whenever she wanted to ‘thank’ any members of the family for something she would write it on the board. After a few weeks of doing this, as and when, one day she opened the airing cupboard, a place only she went to, and there was a yellow sticky note from Mia saying ‘thank you for making me feel loved and part of a family for the first time in my life’

Now Mia and Jane leave each other notes in the airing cupboard whenever she can’t say something or is worried about something. Jane and her husband are now in the process of adopting Mia forever.

*names have been changed

All it took was a genuine ‘thank you for….’ To change someone’s life, install trust, change behaviour and create a future. Since then others she has told have put up boards in their companies, or found other ways of showing gratitude. Gratitude isn't just for hippies!

 

Look what Dr Masaru Emoto found the words 'thank you' did in his famous water experiment.

 

 

Who do you need to thank today, and when was the last time you thanked yourself?

Thank you for reading my blog

x    

Here is your assignment....

1. YOU WILL RECEIVE A BODY
you may like it you may not, but it will be yours for the entire period of your time here

2. YOU WILL LEARN LESSONS
You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid

3. THERE ARE NO MISTAKES. ONLY LESSONS
Growth is a process of trial and error and experimentation. The 'failed' experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that work

4. A LESSON IS REPEATED UNTIL IT IS LEARNED
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it, then you can go onto the next lesson

5. LEARNING LESSONS DOES NOT END
There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive their are lessons to be learned

6. "THERE" IS NO BETTER THAN "HERE"
When your "there" has become "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here"

7. OTHERS ARE MERELY MIRRORS OF YOU
You cannot love of hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself

8. WHAT YOU MAKE OF YOUR LIFE IS UP TO YOU
You have all the tools and resources you need, what you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours

9. THE ANSWERS LIE INSIDE YOU
The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen and trust

10. WHETHER YOU THINK YOU CAN OR CAN'T, IN EITHER CASE YOU'LL BE RIGHT

THINK ABOUT IT.......