Are you iLost?

I am watching a couple sitting in a coffee shop, well I'm assuming that the fact they have walked in together and kissed each other on the cheek means they are together. But now I'm not so sure, they haven't made eye contact since, both are engrossed in a small plastic touch-screen they are clutching. He is smiling at his screen, and she is frowning at hers. Maybe they are emailing each other? Maybe by some freak of nature neither of them are able to talk and so they email each other to communicate. Occasionally they look up and share a snapshot of what is taking their attention. It's not an invitation to a conversation, more of an excuse for their absence. Only their bodies are in the coffee shop, the rest of them are iLost out in the ether, connecting with millions of others who have also left their bodies parked somewhere. Their sex life must be electric...not! Or maybe I'm old-fashioned, I mean, you don't even need to touch a real human to access sex at the touch of a button.

A mother and cheeky faced toddler come back from the till with a tray loaded with sugary bribes. She sits down, he wants her to play. She gets her phone out and becomes engrossed in the screen whilst trying various different distractions with her left hand which look like she is reaching out for a light switch in the dark. He isn't fooled by her remaining body, he knows she has left the building, is iLost, so up's the anti of his noise. All he wants is her quality time but he only knows three words, iPhone, iPad and mum.   

Relationships can't be made using technology, relationships come from conversations and shared experiences, relationships build-trust and true intimacy. This is why we get annoyed when a computer voice calls us from our bank, why we avoid the computer tills, the computer petrol pump etc. It creates a barrier to trust. 

At any one second there is a gazillion terabytes of stuff inviting you to leave your body, the trick is to be in charge of it. These terabytes love to fill your unattended and unvalued space, so unless you want your candy crush score etched on your gravestone, put the god damned thing down sometimes and go ask another human being how they are today.

Last year I saw many clients with an addiction to their iPad in the 50-65yr bracket. They had rewired themselves to get achievement from their word search scores, instead of their businesses. (I mean who is going to ask the CEO what they are really doing?) Spending time in chatrooms and only grunting at their partners for six months, inventing excuses to sneak off and spend time online. One guy even booked himself into a hotel so he could indulge in candy crush guilt free. Pixels are the new mistresses and affairs of 2014.

So ask yourself when you get the urge to escape through the plastic screen 'Where do I need to be present right now?' Get in charge of your technology and use it to create more time to have the freedom to spend quality time with those that you love.

Right I'm just off to do my emails....

21-Day EASY Procrastination Detox

Time to stamp your feet, and say 'no more' to excuses, denial and procrastination. Step forward and roll up your sleeves. It's time to take massive action. You will be amazed by the positive impact on your emotional well-being and your body this 21 day Easy Procrastination detox will give you.

Hands up who have done at least a 2 day detox in 2013? I see people running around drinking green stuff, juicers flying off the shelves, friends jetting off to Thailand to gorge on psyllium husk and fresh air all in the name of cleansing their bodies. They return, bronzed, concave, regular, and two weeks later the croissants and red wine are back.

It is said that if you want to see what your thoughts were in the past, look at your body now. And if you want to see what your body will be like in the future look at your thoughts today.

Constipation of the mind is caused by procrastination. All those 'things you need to do', or 'stuff you should do' backs up until the backlog has you trapped. The mind keeps all of those files open, ticking away, until they are dealt with. Its' a bit like when you are using your computer and have every screen you have ever opened minimised at the bottom of the screen. And then no surprise when...crash, it all comes to a halt.

Many of us have become experts in excuses and denial, the shadow of guilt or fear gets larger, and only when it brings more pain than the avoidance, will we be motivated to take any action. Chances are you will then do just enough to get out of pain, and then the entire cycle begins again.

21-DAY EASY PROCRASTINATION DETOX

STEP 1 - Write down your intention for this detox. What exactly is it you want to get out of it?'

STEP 2 - Write down and ask yourself these two questions

'What do I need to STOP doing?'
'What do I need to START doing?'

STEP 3 - Cut out excuses, even good excuses
Even better, have a detox buddy who can just make an agreed 'cough' sound if they think you are using excuse language. 'I haven't got time' being the biggest culprit. We all have 24hrs in our day.

STEP 4 - Each day before you go to bed write down one thing you will do the following day that you have been avoiding. If it seems too big a task to deal with, break it down into small achievable tasks that work towards it. i.e it could be to call someone, or open three of the fifty letters with clear windows you have hidden in a draw. It could be to forgive someone, or say 'no' to somebody.

Easy right? Go for it...

Keep me posted on your progress

Motivational sheep - 10 ways to avoid a self-help Guru

Watching a US reality TV show recently (I know, I know!) I felt the vomit rising up in my throat as a guy with ego infused eyes and a cheesy grin introduces himself as a 'motivational speaker', 'life coach', and 'life strategist'    (WTF). He then begins to spout cliche's and rehearsed drivel, which is like catnip to the lost, but won't really change your life past Tuesday. The camera pans round and you see an audience of a few hundred people looking trustfully up at this church less evangelist.

A life coach???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *looks at self in horror

As I chew the edge of my wooden coffee table to cleanse myself of his imprint, I add a snapshot of him to my mental image bank, to recall when I next need to run up a steep hill, or give birth to a rhinoceros. These narcissistic cuckoo's tell you what to do, and nest in your own lack of self-direction with their pseudo knowledge. The difference between knowledge and wisdom is, knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad. I have had conversations with many people who, thanks to guru's, are ignoring the reality stop signs in pursuit of someone else's implanted delusions. It's not their fault, they were looking for hope, new skills, and the road to happiness.

I had coffee with an unknowing victim, what I got was a seminar for one I didn't sign up for. A good man at heart, he had invested a lot of money in courses to help him to 'make a million speaking' or 'live an amazing life doing what I do', he had learnt not to value all the unique things that made him relatable, and human, and had become a puppet. He was detached, emotionally unavailable, further away from finding himself, and helping people was way down his list after Ferrari. The clue is when they talk at you in quotes and slip into a hybrid Anglo/American accent.

This plague is not to be confused with a heartfelt speaker that has an incredible story to tell where they have achieved something, triumphed over adversity, or royally messed their lives up, and got up again. Not to be confused either with someone who is so passionate about helping people they have turned their life into a living lesson. There are some incredible people who are dedicated to helping you too change your life, Anthony Robbins for example. These people have important recipes for survival and enjoyment of life, seek them out. Let's distinguish them by calling them teachers. When they start to speak, something deep within your soul warms, when the latter speaks you have to watch you don't sprout wool and start to 'baaa'.

So here is my guide to avoid becoming the sheep of a false shepherd or 'Guru' as they like to call themselves. This includes wanna-be Guru's who dream of being on stage to experience feeling important.

1. Guru's begin most of what they say with 'i', a favourite is 'I can make you xyz'
2. Guru's take 'best friend forever' style photo's of themselves with other Guru's to reinforce your belief in their status
3. Guru's behaviour off the stage does not mirror the values they talk about on stage
4. Guru's often should read their own books to take their own advice
5. Guru's imitate each other and pass off each others stories as their own because they lack any real experience helping individuals to change their lives
6. Guru's have followers that don't really blink properly and make you feel nervous, or get angry when you ask questions
7. Guru's have a set of rules, or a program, and get annoyed, or blame your lack of commitment for their failures
8. Guru's don't really listen in life, they only know how to output
9. Guru's have forgotten how to talk to people normally, they only do 'seminar mode' i.e asking all the questions, and answering in questions
10. Guru's have an overinflated sense of self-belief....until they step off the stage and mime their way through life

And the biggest one of all

    11.  Guru's need you to believe in them, to believe in themselves

If you are low on hope and want to get back on the road to happiness find someone wise who will support, and help YOU, to trust YOURSELF, to change YOUR OWN life and create your own resources and solutions.. They come from a place of service and wont be driving a yellow Ferrari, or peddling their lives as a show home.

January; The Hare and the Tortoise

Did you stick two fingers up to 2012, or welcome 2013 as just another day? New Year is pimped as a time for reflection and a portal for binging on good health. The diet and fitness industries are wringing their greedy hands with glee and looking forward to counting your hard earned bank notes this month. After a December of excess, most people will attempt something to address the balance. By February a huge percentage will have abandoned their regimes in favour of 'normal life'. There is nothing more boring to be around than a January martyr giving you a blow-by-blow account of what they have turned down, and how many pounds they have lost or put on that hour. Yawn!

Over the past twenty years there has been a cultural epidemic of a very unhealthy mindset 'all or nothing'. You are either fat or thin, beautiful or ugly, rich or poor, going to the gym lots or never going, too full or starving, too busy or bored, stressed or unmotivated, good or bad, can sing or can't, happy or sad..and the list goes on. We are obsessed with squeezing people into box A or B.

The mind meta program 'all or nothing' is a building block evident in many mental illnesses, anorexia, addictions, OCD, bi-polar, to name a few. It prevents someone from being able to perceive any kind of balance, place C, no matter how hard you point at it.

A recent client was too afraid to start a business she was clearly skilled enough to deliver because she was afraid that she would fail, so she did nothing instead and became depressed. And there it is again succeed or fail.

Once upon a time there was a hare who, boasting how he could run faster than anyone else, was forever teasing tortoise for its slowness. Then one day, the irate tortoise answered back: “Who do you think you are? There’s no denying you’re swift, but even you can be beaten!” The hare squealed with laughter.

“Beaten in a race? By whom? Not you, surely! I bet there’s nobody in the world that can win against me, I’m so speedy. Now, why don’t you try?”
Annoyed by such bragging, the tortoise accepted the challenge. A course was planned, and the next day at dawn they stood at the starting line. The hare yawned sleepily as the meek tortoise trudged slowly off. When the hare saw how painfully slow his rival was, he decided, half asleep on his feet, to have a quick nap. “Take your time!” he said. “I’ll have forty winks and catch up with you in a minute.”
The hare woke with a start from a fitful sleep and gazed round, looking for the tortoise. But the creature was only a short distance away, having barely covered a third of the course. Breathing a sigh of relief, the hare decided he might as well have breakfast too, and off he went to munch some cabbages he had noticed in a nearby field. But the heavy meal and the hot sun made his eyelids droop. With a careless glance at the tortoise, now halfway along the course, he decided to have another snooze before flashing past the winning post. And smiling at the thought of the look on the tortoise’s face when it saw the hare speed by, he fell fast asleep and was soon snoring happily. The sun started to sink, below the horizon, and the tortoise, who had been plodding towards the winning post since morning, was scarcely a yard from the finish. At that very point, the hare woke with a jolt. He could see the tortoise a speck in the distance and away he dashed. He leapt and bounded at a great rate, his tongue lolling, and gasping for breath. Just a little more and he’d be first at the finish. But the hare’s last leap was just too late, for the tortoise had beaten him to the winning post. Poor hare! Tired and in disgrace, he slumped down beside the tortoise who was silently smiling at him.
“Slowly does it every time!” he said.
Aesop Fables

I'm currently taking session bookings for knackered Hare's

Wishing you a very happy and balanced 2013

How stressed are you? Take the test

Unlike pressure, stress is never good for you and never a positive thing. Stress is a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that the demands placed on them exceed the resources the individual has available. The symptoms of stress significantly affect both your mind and body. If you scored high, imagine how much better you would feel and look without it.

Take the test: 

On a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you now?        *10 being high
 

1-4       Share your secret!

5-8       Your adrenal systems are over active. You will be showing symptoms of stress. Important notice -take time to relax

8+        Stop and assess your life. What’s working? What isn’t?

Symptoms of stress

                                                          

• Increased irritability
• Heightened sensitivity to criticism
• Signs of tension i.e. nail biting
• Difficulty getting to sleep/over sleeping
• Drinking and smoking more
• Indigestion/stomach issues
• Loss of concentration
• Fearful of future
• Anxiety
• Panic Attacks
• Anger
• Depression

SAY ‘NO’ TO STRESS - 10 TOP TIPS TO BECOMING STRESS FREE

1. Be Honest – Listen and trust your instincts. Identify what is really causing you to feel stressed? It's never what you think it is. What’s stopping you from making the changes you know you need to make? Stop making excuses.
2. Slow Down – do one thing at a time and finish it
3. What makes you happy? – do more of it
4. Be thankful- what are you thankful for in life? List 20 things
5. Be kind – to yourself. Check your self-talk, you wouldn’t be that hard on anyone else would you?
6. Simplify your life – let go of clutter, dramas, and people pleasing
7. Ask for & Accept practical/emotional help – people like to help
8. Body Care – Get the right fuel into your body. There are links between vitamin deficiencies, dehydration and high stress levels.
9. Move it – dance, skip, break-dance, whatever floats your boat. Unused energy turns into negative, lethargic energy and can turn against you.
10. Relax – park your brain, breath in slowly through your nose… breath out slowly through your mouth. Just 5 mins sitting with a quiet mind will put a spring in your step even when chaos surrounds you.

If you or someone you know is stuck with stress or suffering stress related illnesses, there are so many amazing options to help you and your brain change the way you feel, even if you don't feel you can change the situation.

Time to say 'NO' to stress

Here is your assignment....

1. YOU WILL RECEIVE A BODY
you may like it you may not, but it will be yours for the entire period of your time here

2. YOU WILL LEARN LESSONS
You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid

3. THERE ARE NO MISTAKES. ONLY LESSONS
Growth is a process of trial and error and experimentation. The 'failed' experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that work

4. A LESSON IS REPEATED UNTIL IT IS LEARNED
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it, then you can go onto the next lesson

5. LEARNING LESSONS DOES NOT END
There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive their are lessons to be learned

6. "THERE" IS NO BETTER THAN "HERE"
When your "there" has become "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here"

7. OTHERS ARE MERELY MIRRORS OF YOU
You cannot love of hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself

8. WHAT YOU MAKE OF YOUR LIFE IS UP TO YOU
You have all the tools and resources you need, what you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours

9. THE ANSWERS LIE INSIDE YOU
The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen and trust

10. WHETHER YOU THINK YOU CAN OR CAN'T, IN EITHER CASE YOU'LL BE RIGHT

THINK ABOUT IT.......