Motivational sheep - 10 ways to avoid a self-help Guru

Watching a US reality TV show recently (I know, I know!) I felt the vomit rising up in my throat as a guy with ego infused eyes and a cheesy grin introduces himself as a 'motivational speaker', 'life coach', and 'life strategist'    (WTF). He then begins to spout cliche's and rehearsed drivel, which is like catnip to the lost, but won't really change your life past Tuesday. The camera pans round and you see an audience of a few hundred people looking trustfully up at this church less evangelist.

A life coach???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *looks at self in horror

As I chew the edge of my wooden coffee table to cleanse myself of his imprint, I add a snapshot of him to my mental image bank, to recall when I next need to run up a steep hill, or give birth to a rhinoceros. These narcissistic cuckoo's tell you what to do, and nest in your own lack of self-direction with their pseudo knowledge. The difference between knowledge and wisdom is, knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad. I have had conversations with many people who, thanks to guru's, are ignoring the reality stop signs in pursuit of someone else's implanted delusions. It's not their fault, they were looking for hope, new skills, and the road to happiness.

I had coffee with an unknowing victim, what I got was a seminar for one I didn't sign up for. A good man at heart, he had invested a lot of money in courses to help him to 'make a million speaking' or 'live an amazing life doing what I do', he had learnt not to value all the unique things that made him relatable, and human, and had become a puppet. He was detached, emotionally unavailable, further away from finding himself, and helping people was way down his list after Ferrari. The clue is when they talk at you in quotes and slip into a hybrid Anglo/American accent.

This plague is not to be confused with a heartfelt speaker that has an incredible story to tell where they have achieved something, triumphed over adversity, or royally messed their lives up, and got up again. Not to be confused either with someone who is so passionate about helping people they have turned their life into a living lesson. There are some incredible people who are dedicated to helping you too change your life, Anthony Robbins for example. These people have important recipes for survival and enjoyment of life, seek them out. Let's distinguish them by calling them teachers. When they start to speak, something deep within your soul warms, when the latter speaks you have to watch you don't sprout wool and start to 'baaa'.

So here is my guide to avoid becoming the sheep of a false shepherd or 'Guru' as they like to call themselves. This includes wanna-be Guru's who dream of being on stage to experience feeling important.

1. Guru's begin most of what they say with 'i', a favourite is 'I can make you xyz'
2. Guru's take 'best friend forever' style photo's of themselves with other Guru's to reinforce your belief in their status
3. Guru's behaviour off the stage does not mirror the values they talk about on stage
4. Guru's often should read their own books to take their own advice
5. Guru's imitate each other and pass off each others stories as their own because they lack any real experience helping individuals to change their lives
6. Guru's have followers that don't really blink properly and make you feel nervous, or get angry when you ask questions
7. Guru's have a set of rules, or a program, and get annoyed, or blame your lack of commitment for their failures
8. Guru's don't really listen in life, they only know how to output
9. Guru's have forgotten how to talk to people normally, they only do 'seminar mode' i.e asking all the questions, and answering in questions
10. Guru's have an overinflated sense of self-belief....until they step off the stage and mime their way through life

And the biggest one of all

    11.  Guru's need you to believe in them, to believe in themselves

If you are low on hope and want to get back on the road to happiness find someone wise who will support, and help YOU, to trust YOURSELF, to change YOUR OWN life and create your own resources and solutions.. They come from a place of service and wont be driving a yellow Ferrari, or peddling their lives as a show home.

Calling all worriers - take the anxiety test

Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere. We all worry at times, but if your worrying is running you, it's time to get out of that chair. Like Mr Worry are you addicted to worrying?

In the olden days, when the threat of being eaten by something, or charcoaled by dragon fire (according to Ruben, age 6) us humans were on constant alert for threats. The daily quest for water, food, hatching babies and staying alive was a full-time job. There were no 28 days holiday, duvet days, or sabbaticals to search for the meaning of life back then. Our ancestors legacy is a deeply installed, and hormonally supported blueprint to self-protect and stay alive.

Forward wind to 2013 and that legacy is active in all of our everyday lives. When faced with any perceived threat our mind and body reacts. The film, TV, advertising, book and gaming industries tap into engage our brains to emotionally react to what is being viewed. Our imaginations are a key portal into the mind and body connection. Imagination doesn't know the difference between an imagined experience and a real one. It tells the body to react for a moment as if the imagined threat was real. Think of a picture or time when you couldn't stop laughing...bet you have just started to giggle. That's the power of the imagination on the mind and body.

Today the dragons have been substituted by more of an invisible and internal threat, ' a fear of the future' produces anxiety. Anxiety is a mind and body response to an imagined fear in the future. The fear could be that perhaps in the future someone won't like you, or that you will get something very wrong, fail, or that you wont have enough money to live. Either way the message to the mind is that there is something significantly painful coming at you like a high speed train from the future. You can't avoid the future.

We all get nervous when stepping out of our comfort zone doing something new, or when something is demanded from us that we believe we lack the skill or experience for. If your thoughts, anxieties, or fears are impacting your quality of life, or you are constantly trying to avoid your fears by over-controlling your life -

Take the Anxiety test

Choose the one description for each item that best describes how many days you have been bothered by each of the following over the past 2 weeks

 

	None	Several	7 or more	Nearly Every day
Feeling Nervous, anxious or on edge
Unable to stop worrying
Worrying too much about different things
Problems relaxing
Feeling restless or unable to sit still
Feeling irritable or easily annoyed
Being afraid that something awful might happen

 Scoring

Total scores for each question

• None = 2
• Several = 1
• 7 or more = 2
• Nearly every day = 3

Total score _______________________

• A total score of 5-9 suggests mild anxiety
• A total score of 10 + suggests moderate to severe anxiety

If anxiety is holding you back in your life, stop coping with it, there is so much that can be done to overcome it and get your freedom back. Talk to someone, you will be amazed at how many people suffer with anxiety. Speak to your GP about CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) or talk to me about the amazing Thought Pattern Management system. Time to turn your Mr Worry into Mr Happy.

2 out of 5 people unhappy with their career

That's a lot of hours doing something you don't enjoy. All relationships go through some tough times, and not everyone adapts to and embraces change in a positive way. The impact of forcing yourself to be somewhere you hate for the long-term is damaging to your relationships, family life, and most critically your health. The latter, often, and sadly it's the last warning flag.

'In 2009/2010 an estimated 9.8 million working days were lost through work-related stress. On average each person suffering from work-related stress took an estimated 22.6 days off - HSE'

Some extracts from a recent interview I did on the subject:

* If someone is looking to change careers in 2013, what tips could you give them to help them build confidence/make a change?

1.      Decide ‘by when’ do you want to be in your new career. (even if you don’t know what it is, or how you can do it)

2.      Commit to taking action – be in the driving seat, don’t wait until you are pushed out

3.      Embrace all change as positive. If you don’t like it change it again.

4.      When you meet self-doubts ask yourself ‘if I wasn’t afraid, what would I do’. Listen to your answer.

5.      Explore your talents. You won’t see your hidden talents because you do them naturally. Ask others around you for feedback about what you would be really good at?

6.      When someone is unhappy they can try and change their job, car, relationship etc instead of changing themselves. Make sure that you are changing career for the right reasons.

* Why do you think some people get 'stuck' in a career rut?

Most people wait until the pain of not changing is unbearable, and then the need to get out of pain motivates them to overcome their fear of change. When you have career, family, relationship goals you can avoid this kind of constipation.

* Is setting goals/keeping a to do list important for development?

More important to write the goal down and picture yourself achieving that goal. Then break the goal down into smaller, achievable steps to work towards.

* If someone wants to work towards promotion, are there any tips you could give them?

Ask their line manager what they would need to be doing for that job to be theirs. Ask ‘what do I need to do more of,  or less of, and what strengths do I currently have that would be an asset to that role. Find out if there are any skills that you need to acquire. Step your game up and be consistent.

* If someone is feeling frustrated/confused about their career direction, what would you suggest they do?

Stop wasting time moaning, instead talk about what the problem really is to key people and friends. Decide what you really want to do. Secretly most people know, but they have buried it because they see their dream job as impossible or see too many barriers. Remember the man who says he can, and the man who says he can’t are both right. If your passion for your career can’t be reignited create an exit plan immediately, life is too short to spend 9 hours a day feeling unhappy. There are infinite choices, you just have to create them. Build your self-confidence in your abilities by doing some activities that are out of your comfort zon

Visit this link for more info and resources:  How to Make Career Changes in the New Year

January; The Hare and the Tortoise

Did you stick two fingers up to 2012, or welcome 2013 as just another day? New Year is pimped as a time for reflection and a portal for binging on good health. The diet and fitness industries are wringing their greedy hands with glee and looking forward to counting your hard earned bank notes this month. After a December of excess, most people will attempt something to address the balance. By February a huge percentage will have abandoned their regimes in favour of 'normal life'. There is nothing more boring to be around than a January martyr giving you a blow-by-blow account of what they have turned down, and how many pounds they have lost or put on that hour. Yawn!

Over the past twenty years there has been a cultural epidemic of a very unhealthy mindset 'all or nothing'. You are either fat or thin, beautiful or ugly, rich or poor, going to the gym lots or never going, too full or starving, too busy or bored, stressed or unmotivated, good or bad, can sing or can't, happy or sad..and the list goes on. We are obsessed with squeezing people into box A or B.

The mind meta program 'all or nothing' is a building block evident in many mental illnesses, anorexia, addictions, OCD, bi-polar, to name a few. It prevents someone from being able to perceive any kind of balance, place C, no matter how hard you point at it.

A recent client was too afraid to start a business she was clearly skilled enough to deliver because she was afraid that she would fail, so she did nothing instead and became depressed. And there it is again succeed or fail.

Once upon a time there was a hare who, boasting how he could run faster than anyone else, was forever teasing tortoise for its slowness. Then one day, the irate tortoise answered back: “Who do you think you are? There’s no denying you’re swift, but even you can be beaten!” The hare squealed with laughter.

“Beaten in a race? By whom? Not you, surely! I bet there’s nobody in the world that can win against me, I’m so speedy. Now, why don’t you try?”
Annoyed by such bragging, the tortoise accepted the challenge. A course was planned, and the next day at dawn they stood at the starting line. The hare yawned sleepily as the meek tortoise trudged slowly off. When the hare saw how painfully slow his rival was, he decided, half asleep on his feet, to have a quick nap. “Take your time!” he said. “I’ll have forty winks and catch up with you in a minute.”
The hare woke with a start from a fitful sleep and gazed round, looking for the tortoise. But the creature was only a short distance away, having barely covered a third of the course. Breathing a sigh of relief, the hare decided he might as well have breakfast too, and off he went to munch some cabbages he had noticed in a nearby field. But the heavy meal and the hot sun made his eyelids droop. With a careless glance at the tortoise, now halfway along the course, he decided to have another snooze before flashing past the winning post. And smiling at the thought of the look on the tortoise’s face when it saw the hare speed by, he fell fast asleep and was soon snoring happily. The sun started to sink, below the horizon, and the tortoise, who had been plodding towards the winning post since morning, was scarcely a yard from the finish. At that very point, the hare woke with a jolt. He could see the tortoise a speck in the distance and away he dashed. He leapt and bounded at a great rate, his tongue lolling, and gasping for breath. Just a little more and he’d be first at the finish. But the hare’s last leap was just too late, for the tortoise had beaten him to the winning post. Poor hare! Tired and in disgrace, he slumped down beside the tortoise who was silently smiling at him.
“Slowly does it every time!” he said.
Aesop Fables

I'm currently taking session bookings for knackered Hare's

Wishing you a very happy and balanced 2013

How stressed are you? Take the test

Unlike pressure, stress is never good for you and never a positive thing. Stress is a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that the demands placed on them exceed the resources the individual has available. The symptoms of stress significantly affect both your mind and body. If you scored high, imagine how much better you would feel and look without it.

Take the test: 

On a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you now?        *10 being high
 

1-4       Share your secret!

5-8       Your adrenal systems are over active. You will be showing symptoms of stress. Important notice -take time to relax

8+        Stop and assess your life. What’s working? What isn’t?

Symptoms of stress

                                                          

• Increased irritability
• Heightened sensitivity to criticism
• Signs of tension i.e. nail biting
• Difficulty getting to sleep/over sleeping
• Drinking and smoking more
• Indigestion/stomach issues
• Loss of concentration
• Fearful of future
• Anxiety
• Panic Attacks
• Anger
• Depression

SAY ‘NO’ TO STRESS - 10 TOP TIPS TO BECOMING STRESS FREE

1. Be Honest – Listen and trust your instincts. Identify what is really causing you to feel stressed? It's never what you think it is. What’s stopping you from making the changes you know you need to make? Stop making excuses.
2. Slow Down – do one thing at a time and finish it
3. What makes you happy? – do more of it
4. Be thankful- what are you thankful for in life? List 20 things
5. Be kind – to yourself. Check your self-talk, you wouldn’t be that hard on anyone else would you?
6. Simplify your life – let go of clutter, dramas, and people pleasing
7. Ask for & Accept practical/emotional help – people like to help
8. Body Care – Get the right fuel into your body. There are links between vitamin deficiencies, dehydration and high stress levels.
9. Move it – dance, skip, break-dance, whatever floats your boat. Unused energy turns into negative, lethargic energy and can turn against you.
10. Relax – park your brain, breath in slowly through your nose… breath out slowly through your mouth. Just 5 mins sitting with a quiet mind will put a spring in your step even when chaos surrounds you.

If you or someone you know is stuck with stress or suffering stress related illnesses, there are so many amazing options to help you and your brain change the way you feel, even if you don't feel you can change the situation.

Time to say 'NO' to stress

Here is your assignment....

1. YOU WILL RECEIVE A BODY
you may like it you may not, but it will be yours for the entire period of your time here

2. YOU WILL LEARN LESSONS
You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid

3. THERE ARE NO MISTAKES. ONLY LESSONS
Growth is a process of trial and error and experimentation. The 'failed' experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that work

4. A LESSON IS REPEATED UNTIL IT IS LEARNED
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it, then you can go onto the next lesson

5. LEARNING LESSONS DOES NOT END
There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive their are lessons to be learned

6. "THERE" IS NO BETTER THAN "HERE"
When your "there" has become "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here"

7. OTHERS ARE MERELY MIRRORS OF YOU
You cannot love of hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself

8. WHAT YOU MAKE OF YOUR LIFE IS UP TO YOU
You have all the tools and resources you need, what you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours

9. THE ANSWERS LIE INSIDE YOU
The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen and trust

10. WHETHER YOU THINK YOU CAN OR CAN'T, IN EITHER CASE YOU'LL BE RIGHT

THINK ABOUT IT.......

Gut Instincts, friend or foe?

Do you always trust your instincts? Some of the most stressed and anxious clients I've worked with have had one major thing in common. They ignore their gut instincts. Some can't even hear their instincts anymore they have turned up the dial on the chatter in their head so high it drowns them out. They create a life full of distractions, so there is never a moments silence for the instincts to get through with their message. Others hear their instincts loud and clear, but are afraid to trust themselves. The theory is that 'gut instinct' is the intelligence of the unconcious mind.

Stress is created when the gut says 'no' and the head says 'yes', or when the gut says 'yes' and the head says 'no'. This battle creates an inner conflict which causes you disharmony.

Trusting my gut instincts has actually saved my life. I had already had one malignant tumour removed, and my gut was telling me that the tiny freckle appearing on my left side wasn't right. Two consultants looked at it thoroughly, and said it was fine. My instincts were literally screaming at me 'this is not fine'. This gave me the confidence to go back again unhappy about their opinion. After a biopsy it was confirmed, it was indeed another potentially deadly tumour. Because it was caught early, I had an excellent prognosis. This just proved to me that even listening to my gut over expert opinion is important.

Of course it isn't always quite so straight forward. A friend was recently telling me that she felt her boyfriend was lying to her about working away for some of the weekend and not coming back until Saturday evening. (he often worked away in the week) 'something just doesn't feel right' she said. This led her to become very upset at the conclusion that he was cheating on her. It turned out that her instincts were indeed right, he did lie to her about working away for the weekend. After tears and MI6 style questioning he finally admitted that he had wanted to play golf with his colleagues on the Saturday, instead of the planned family day, and felt it would be easier to just say he was working. Her instincts had acurrately detected a lie, but she had convinced herself that he was cheating, when in fact he just lacked balls. (forgive the pun!)

How do you start trusting your instincts?
1) Like any good relationship, spend time alone listening
2) If it argues with you it is not your gut instinct it's your head
3) Develop trust by going with your intuition more and more
4) Be confident in following your instincts, even if the rest of the world is going the opposite way

FOLLOWING YOUR INSTINCTS + BALLS = A GREAT LIFE